I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.