Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.