yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.