We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?