The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito