It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way