Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way