for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She bit a glass in half.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.