Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,