Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,