My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces