You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??