We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.