I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.