Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
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He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She bit a glass in half.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.