Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.