Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.