i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.