my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.