I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.