Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dating After Heartbreak
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.