I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.