pop tarts are not kleenex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"