I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.