pop tarts are not kleenex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"