Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (760)

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  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

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  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
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  (760): View more from California

  oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year

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  (760): oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year http://tfl.nu/nw70
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  genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

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  (760): genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex http://tfl.nu/ckcw
  Replies (33) Good night (3337) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
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  Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.

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  (760): Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin. http://tfl.nu/jqr4
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  Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha

  (1-760): View more from California

  I hate my life

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  (760): Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha (1-760): I hate my life http://tfl.nu/oavx
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  (760): View more from California

  Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.

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  (760): Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros. http://tfl.nu/aucf
  Replies (19) Good night (512) Bad night (3421) Order T-Shirt
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  I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

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  (760): I wish they had nachos that got you drunk http://tfl.nu/1jvf
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  Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

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  (760): Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match? http://tfl.nu/fgta
  Replies (24) Good night (750) Bad night (4452) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

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  (760): have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive http://tfl.nu/u0dx
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  (760): View more from California

  There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

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  (760): There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours. http://tfl.nu/m1ds
  Replies (34) Good night (3642) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows

  (1-760): View more from California

  i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal

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  (760): the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows (1-760): i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal http://tfl.nu/0c7c
  Replies (18) Good night (2247) Bad night (501)
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  (760): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

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  (760): i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped http://tfl.nu/yuxq
  Replies (54) Good night (3399) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
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  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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  (301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf
  Replies (27) Good night (4135) Bad night (555)
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  dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.

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  (760): dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell. http://tfl.nu/ywtf
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  (760): View more from California

  Joe is yelling at the trees again.

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  (760): Joe is yelling at the trees again. http://tfl.nu/dpjn
  Replies (26) Good night (3801) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt