I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?