And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Houston, we have a blender
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege