running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone