We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.