I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?