Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?