He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?