Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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