Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks