Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.