I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.