I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings