you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.