I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?