Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care