today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.