Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner