No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.