Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"