matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
