I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.