Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!