my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.