I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.