I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.