the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.