he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma