Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.