Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.