Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....