I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game