I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.