So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.