Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work