Last Night in Illinois (708)

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Plasma, LED or OLED?

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  What happened?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Vodka. Vodka happened.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  That's $100,000 of quality education right there.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm eating ice cream out of my purse

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I was not expecting that analogy.

  (360): View more from Washington

  No one ever expects that analogy.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  "Plot twist... I'm straight."

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college

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