Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.