I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.