THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sobbing to NWA
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.