Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.