I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.