Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.