Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Someone stole a lamp last night.