I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.