Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.