I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
about cumming, not toast
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.