Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION