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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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