I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated