Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby