I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.