Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.