THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...