Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.