Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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