I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.