I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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