Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (412)

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...

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  (412): Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion... http://tfl.nu/ll4v
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  He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.

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  (412): He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent. http://tfl.nu/lgq0
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  It was like giving head to a cactus.

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  (412): It was like giving head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/0gn3
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  I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.

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  It's gameday bitch. Man up.

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  (336): I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged. (412): It's gameday bitch. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dewp
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  Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.

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  (412): Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster. http://tfl.nu/q387
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  Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?

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  (412): Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with? http://tfl.nu/cuy6
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  I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?

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  (412): I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/ymvc
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  But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life

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  (412): But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life http://tfl.nu/sdyc
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  I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.

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  (412): I am the sex elephant in the room. Again. http://tfl.nu/d7uz
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  You okay?

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  I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread

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  (412): You okay? (1-412): I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread http://tfl.nu/1951
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  Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room

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  (412): Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room http://tfl.nu/5tlt
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  When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"

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  (412): When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita" http://tfl.nu/mtyx
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  Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.

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  (412): Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab. http://tfl.nu/yqci
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  I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.

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  (412): I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day. http://tfl.nu/3m26
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  This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.

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  (412): This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him. http://tfl.nu/rlpz
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