If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.