who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.