WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.