It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you