this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have fence marks all over my body
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night