I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.