I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!