It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i now understand why vodka